Blink (a writing of random-ness)

I rocked Wyatt to sleep earlier this morning for his nap. It's something I almost never do. Usually he begins to get restless after one verse of "Jesus Loves Me" and just wants to be laid down, and then he goes to sleep by himself. Today, for whatever reason, he let me snuggle him until he drifted off. I loved it. 

While Jake was home over the holidays I started to think about babies. Sometimes I think I would love to have  more children...maybe even a few more. Our kids are so great. I love them SO much, and I just can't help but think that a bigger family would just mean that much more love. I thought about how Wyatt was (at that time) about to turn one and he is getting so big and doing so much himself now. I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it. And then, I talked to Jake about it. We talked about the pros and cons for about 5 days... We had a wonderful 12 full days of Jake not working and getting to be with us most of that time. The chaos of our house was so much less than it normally is with just me and the kids. After that 5th day of talking to Jake about expanding our family it dawned on me that Jake would be heading back to work the next day;  where he leaves early, comes home late, and is out of town a lot... 

So for now, the 4 of us it will stay. 

My birthday is next week. Normally I don't tell people that it's even coming up, I just keep my mouth shut. Something inside me just really wants people to remember it, or me..maybe both. Isn't that silly? I know it is. I think it's that human-ness in me; that desire to be recognized by the world. 

So, this year I'm putting aside the foolishness. I am letting go of my need to be recognized by the universe and remembering that even if my sweet husband doesn't remember until the afternoon of, Jesus does, and He is enough for me.

As I rocked Wyatt his morning, and rubbed his soft hair on my cheek, and smelled the banana that he rubbed in his hair this morning at breakfast, I realized:

I'm going to blink and he'll be turning 28.